It can be very difficult as a bride to find a tasteful joke or one liner.  The main problem is that bride speeches are still very new and there are few examples to chose from.

Here is a small collection of different one liners that I have found.  They work really well because they are quoted by famous people and will appeal to just about any age.  No offending any member of the family.

Great One Liners:-

  • Husbands are like fires. They go out if left unattended. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • Most girls seem to marry men who happen to be like their fathers. Maybe that’s why so many mothers cry at weddings! – Jenny Éclair
  • A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As ____ undressed for bed, her husband (who was a burly bruiser) tossed his pants to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your pants,” she said. “That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that, she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” She said, “That’s right and that’s the way it’s going to be until your damn attitude changes.
  • Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet; In short, my deary, kiss me, and be quiet. — Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
  • The brain is a wonderful thing. It never stops functioning from the time you’re born until the moment you stand up to make a speech. – Herbert V Prochnow and Herbert V Prochnow Jnr

  • I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

  • A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)

Just a few ideas to get your bride speech going.  Think about personal experiences, funny happenings and crazy things you have done to give you an idea of a great story to tell.  Once you have a good idea of what you want to say, then you’ll also want to make sure that you don’t forget anyone or anything important.  Knowing the basic structure of a bride speech will help you include everything.

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Filed under: Wedding Speech Jokes

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